OrchDorks

OrchDorks: We're really sexy and stuff

-Dale Osterman

Co-ed Bathrooms

Dad:"Do you know what the bathrooms are like, Do we need to get you a pair of shoes for the bathroom?"

Me: "I have no idea"

Dad: " Is it a Co-ed bathroom?, If it is than the women will probably keep it clean"

Conclusion: Use the women's bathroom. It's probably spotless!

Guns=Bunnies

Dad: Your mother Google'd the name's of the tenants (this is the best background check she could come up with) and one of them got arrested for fleeing the scene of a gun discharging.

Me: Well if i see a guy shooting a gun, Im gonna start fleeing.

Dad: WHY WOULD ANYONE HANG AROUND PEOPLE WITH GUNS. GUNS EQUAL WHAT, BUNNIES, NO THEY EQUAL BAD.

Body Paint and Sex Lube

As a WSC (Warner Stage Company) Intern, I help with the shows that get put on. Currently the show Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is playing at the Warner. As an intern I have to stay and help with whatever anyone ask's, for the final stretch before the show we rented the real Chitty car. Even though this is a replica car the electronics, motors, wheel's, etc. need proper lubrication before the show. Obviously no one want's to crawl under the car and lube everything, So i get the privilege of doing it before every show.

Also as the show creeps near, things need to get painted. I seem to constantly stick my hand in wet paint, so by the time I leave I have multi-colored hands.

When I get home I try to get all of the paint and lube off of my hands, so the 45 minuets when i get home is basically just me washing my hands. Obviously the crazy from my mom has rubbed off on my dad because he keeps asking me why I wash my hands so much. My only response is " to get the paint and lube off of my hand's." My dad's response to this is "What, are you having sex at the theater and you have to get rid of the body paint and sex lube?!"

Sometimes I wonder where my parents come up with this stuff.

Drunk Gardening

My mom got a strange thought in her head awhile back, "People seem to get great ideas, and get really creative when under the influence of alcohol. Therefore if i get drunk, i can get really creative with the garden in the backyard."

She proceeded to get all of her plants, soil, etc. and two bottles of wine. When she gets to the garden, she chugs the two bottles of wine, and starts thinking about what she's going to do.

(3 HOURS LATER)

I go to check on my mom, and she is sitting in a lawn chair staring at the back of our house. I look at the lawn and it is.......strange to say the least. I ask my mom what she did and she said "Well duh cant you see, I figured out that the idea in my head looks REALLY bad on the lawn, Time for round two."